Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Then you guys just all showered together...?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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