just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
