i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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