Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Damn victory sex feels great
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
