drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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