you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
