Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
