There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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