am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I think a kid would responsible me up
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
