Dude my mom stole all your condoms
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
