does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
