I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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