Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
