Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
