I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
