i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
