when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
