I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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