Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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