Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
