very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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