just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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