I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
