Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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