Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
