Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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