So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
