If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
