I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
