Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
