Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
