My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
