i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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