her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
