Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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