Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
