I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
