Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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