Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
