woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We are all done wearing pants today
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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