I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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