It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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