i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
