He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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