I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
