haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
