You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
