Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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