My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
