all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
