my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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