Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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