Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
