There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
