Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
